Filler Hell
by Saber Wing
Summary: Naruto is sick and tired of all the fillers arcs delaying him! What's a shinobi to do?


_**Author's Note: **_Hey everyone! You know those annoying little filler arcs they stick into the series, right before something interesting is about to happen? I hate those with a passion. And, so I have decided to write a parody about the craptastic fillers in the Naruto anime. Granted, some of them are entertaining, but some are just plain ridiculous. The title is taken from a YouTube video called Filler Hell, but every bit of this material is mine. This title just fits _so well. _

I own nothing, except for this story. Enjoy!

**Filler Hell**

**By: Angel Wings-008**

It was a normal day in Konoha. Well, as normal as things could get for him, at least. Naruto Uzumaki leaped from building to building, headed toward the Ichiraku ramen stand. _Man, that last mission took me so long! I haven't been able to stop for ramen in forever! Geez, you'd think that the filler arcs would leave me more time to waste eating ramen, instead of following one meaningless plotline after another. _

As a matter of fact, he needed to get back on track. There was no time to waste! He really wanted to get on with his training. Maybe he could ask around, find out where the pervy sage had been lately. That ass had told him that he would be his mentor, and what does he do? Disappear into thin air! Were the producers of this anime that desperate to delay the main plotline in order for more manga chapters to come out? He wanted to find Sasuke as soon as possible. Then things would be set right again.

With a smile and a spring in his step, Naruto jumped from the rooftop and continued on his way, determined to ask around on his way to Ichiraku. Turning a corner, he took a short cut through an alley, filled with a new sense of purpose. However, mere seconds later, he was forced to stop short. A dark figure was crouched in the shadows; by the way he held himself, he was a shinobi, and a threatening one.

Naruto gasped and reached for a kunai knife, completely taken off guard. What a surprise! Things this interesting normally didn't happen outside the canon story line, at least not often. The animators wouldn't want to actually put much effort into interesting battle sequences.

Without further delay, which was shocking, considering the two-hundred plus filler episodes he'd been put through, the figure stepped out of the darkness. The face he saw was the last one he would have ever suspected.

"Greetings, Naruto Uzumaki," said a deep, familiar voice. Naruto shouted in surprise at who he saw.

"I-Itachi Uchiha?! What are you doing here?!" No way! There was just no way! They hadn't bothered to even mention him in _ages_! The eldest Uchiha brother sighed, whipping black locks of hair out of his face in exasperation.

"Honestly, I was getting bored. You have no idea how dull it is sitting around at the Akatsuki hideout day after day. And, the fact that these crappy filler episodes haven't even bothered to mention characters that are a gigantic part of the story line kind of bothers me. So, I'm making my own pathetic attempt to jump start something interesting."

"Wait…but doesn't that mean this is outside of the canon and kind of a filler too?" Naruto questioned, confused.

Itachi sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Perhaps, but I figured that maybe if I came to give you a useful piece of information, you could take it and get this show back on the right track, where it belongs. Jiraiya has been sniffing around for clues about the Akatsuki. If you go beg Lady Tsunade for some dirt on it, maybe she'll give you some idea as to where he is. My coming here might mean I'm playing straight into the hands of this pathetic animation team, but it's worth it if I can end this once and for all."

"Wow, thanks a lot! You're supposed to be an evil murderer, but it's really nice of you to put yourself out there like that!" Who knew Mr. I-murdered-my-entire-clan could be so awesome? Psh…and the fangirls thought _Sasuke _was cool.

Itachi shrugged his shoulders in a nonchalant fashion. "I'm a very self-sacrificing kind of person. You'll learn that in the future."

"What?"

"…nevermind. Farewell, Naruto Uzumaki. Hopefully by then, I'll be playing an actual role in this anime again." Without another word, or a single, dramatic monologue, he leaped up and disappeared into thin air. How? Who cares? Nothing made sense anymore. Normally this would have taken about three to five episodes coverage, depending on how many flashbacks and repeat scenes were used. Now it was condensed into roughly one and a half pages. How much easier was that? He could get use to this, even if it did mean it was purposefully throwing off the pacing of this entire fanfiction.

Shaking his head, Naruto sprinted out of the alley and back into daylight, attempting to gather his thoughts. That was never easy for him to do, and now it was even worse. How was he supposed to revive the dead storyline? Well, there was only one thing left to do! He wasn't going to ask granny Tsunade, because he knew she wouldn't tell him anything anyway, and Kakashi-sensei would just call him an idiot. He was going to have to travel around to the other villages, to see if anyone else had heard anything. Granted, he could probably just do the same thing here in the Leaf Village, but for the sake of inserting gigantic plot holes, he would travel to other ones instead. It would be the most exciting adventure he'd had in a long time!

Actually happy about the prospect of a long mission, he sprinted down the street, thoughts of ramen long gone. His apartment wasn't far, and he would need to pack some things before he set out.

_That's it! No more delays! I'm going to find pervy sage, get stronger, and find Sasuke!_ _No more stupid, half-baked side quests!_

However, as soon as he had completed the thought, something made him stop and freeze where he stood. Sitting under a Sakura tree (because otherwise, it wouldn't be cliché enough) was his long time crush, Sakura. Much to his horror, she was sobbing, her face in her hands. Without another thought, he ran forward and crouched in front of her, determined to get the bottom of it and kick the crap out of whoever had made her cry. Surely his quest could wait for another minute, right?

"What's wrong, Sakura-chan?"

Hesitantly, she looked up, her blue eyes red and puffy from crying. Tears streaked down her cheeks, even as she reached up to wipe them. "Oh Naruto, it's horrible!"

"What is it? Did someone hurt you? I'll kill whoever it was, I swear!"

Sakura's eyes shimmered as she looked at him, and fresh tears sprang anew. "I went to the bakery this afternoon, and guess what? My favorite triple chocolate cheesecake is gone! They usually always have them, but now they don't and I need it! That's what I use to drown my sorrows over Sasuke!" Unable to go on, she dissolved into a fresh bout of sobbing, with one minor change. At least her face was buried in her arms instead of her hands this time.

"Sasuke! Sasuke! Sasuke!" she wailed, in such a high-pitched, anguished voice, Naruto could have sworn he saw a few birds drop from the trees. Man, what an annoying sound, and that was bad coming from him! He was usually the one making annoying sounds.

"Um, Sakura? Why do you always feel the need to say his name so much? I know he broke your heart, but I heard you the first time." Enough was enough. Constant repetition of his name was not going to have any impact whatsoever. Besides, if much more was said about the youngest Uchiha, then people might as well start calling this show Sasuke instead of Naruto.

"I said it about one thousand times in one hundred episodes; it's kind of hard to break the habit now!" Annoyed, she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted, like any adolescent girl would. Point taken. That was exactly what he'd been thinking, anyway. He supposed it wasn't her fault. _She _didn't write her dialogue.

"I have shitty, useless dialogue, and I don't have cheesecake! My life is over!" She then proceeded to cry, scream, throw a tantrum, and use whatever other devices that could take up an outrageous amount of screen time. Naruto couldn't take it any more! He had to shut her up!

"All right, all right! I'll find you some cheesecake, okay?" Couldn't be any worse than listening to _this_…

"R-Really?" Her eyes lit up at the prospect of chocolate. "Oh thank you, thank you so much, Naruto! Normally this is the part where I would launch into a monologue about how useless I feel, but for now I'm just going to let you do all the work without bitching! I'll be right here when you get back! Bye-bye now!" To his shock, she actually stood up and physically pushed him in the direction back toward the center of the village, and before he knew it he was standing in the street, with Sakura waving to him from a few dozen feet away. Wow, that was quick. This was surprisingly fast paced for a —

_Wait a second…_

"Damn it! I just got sucked into another filler, didn't I?" Naruto lamented to himself. He wasn't expecting an answer, but he got one all the same.

"Yup, sounds about right," said Choji, who had magically appeared right next to him. Naruto screamed and stumbled backward as the boy stuck his hand into his bag of chips, Ino, Kiba and Neji behind him. One event after another. It was all happening so fast! Not that he was complaining. He was just used to plots progressing at a painfully slow pace. Just thinking about it kind of made him want to lie down and take a nap. He could sleep for weeks, and not miss a thing.

"What the hell are you guys doing here!?" he screamed instead, having no choice but to suffer through it.

"This is a filler, remember? They have to throw the most unlikely teams they can into these plotlines in a desperate attempt to characterize ignored people like us," replied Kiba, talking as if it was something any idiot should know. Akamaru, who was perched on top of his head, barked as if to emphasize the point.

"Yeah, but seriously, I don't even wanna go! Why would I want to get cheesecake for someone else? Why would a ninja even bother to do that?" Choji asked, his voice mournful.

Ino scowled, and smacked him in the back of the head. "Shut up, Choji. If it weren't for scenes like these, we would never get any screen time."

Choji hung his head, accepting the sad truth for what it was. "You're right."

The dark-haired Hyuga of the group stalked forward to stand in front of Naruto, his Byakugan activated, boring into him. Haughtily, he crossed his arms over his chest and tilted his nose into the air. "Hmph. Speak for yourself. I'm _Neji_."

Naruto snarled, and clenched his fists. "That was so arrogant! You really piss me off, you know that? What the hell is your problem?" He'd been all right ever since Naruto had beaten him in the Chunin exams, but he was still portrayed as a real jerk whenever it was convenient for the particular plot arc they were in.

"I have a superiority complex. Get used to it."

The orange-clad Genin scowled, but said nothing. _Can't argue with that._

"Damn it all. Fine, let's just get this over with, okay?" Maybe if this was done quickly, he could get on with his quest before these fucktard writers stuck him in another stupid situation.

"Hey, Naruto, why did you agree to do this anyway? You must have known it was a plotless side quest waiting to happen," Kiba barked, annoyed. His eyes narrowed in contemplation, and he scratched his chin. "You couldn't want to impress Sakura, that's for sure."

_What? Who does dog breath think he is?_ Sure, he'd just agreed to shut Sakura up at first, but now he realized it was a golden opportunity. "Why the hell not?" She might go on a date with him!

"Oh come on Naruto, you can't fool us. You're obviously gay for Sasuke. You obsess over him as much as Sakura does," Kiba declared in a sly tone, a smile stretched across his face. "What was really going on in the Valley of the End, huh?"

The Jinchuriki groaned and rolled his eyes, raising his face to the heavens. If there was a God, he was going to kick his ass when he saw him.

_This is going to be a long filler arc…_

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Ah, I love parody fics. And now I have one of my own. I'm so proud ^_^. Thanks for reading! Reviews are greatly appreciated.


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